so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
