LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
