Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do herpes really smell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
