thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
