This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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