How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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