Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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