While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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