So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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