I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
