Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
