dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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