i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize