you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize