I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
