walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize