plz talk dirty to me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
