Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
