Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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