You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
