I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize