i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
