you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
