I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
