Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
