I am in a vortex of obligation.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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