I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
