i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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