he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
