Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
