i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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