I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
