How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
