Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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