doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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