it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize