Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
