dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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