remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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