I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
