Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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