The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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