I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
time to smoke my breakfast
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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