i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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