so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
