Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
