who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
