Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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