Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
