Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it hurts more in the daytime
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
