Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize