the new term for farting is butt boxing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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