Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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