i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's always time for handjobs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
