so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize