This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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