Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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