she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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