I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
