Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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