Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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