I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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