Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
