Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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