Nicole vs. Life
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
