What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
