I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
