Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
