With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
