This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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