Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You took a bar mat shot.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
