Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
