This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
