What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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