dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
