i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
