I cannot find my penis.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
