My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
