I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
