dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
