I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
