He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
