Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
