don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
