I'm going to jail i love you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize